There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
being pregnant is like rehab
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize