Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
i now understand why vodka
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