Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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