you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
