I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
