My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
