also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
