The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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