Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
You smell like stripper and shame
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I am available for nakedness
Randomize
