I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
