Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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