Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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