Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
