If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
