This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
