DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
