addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I have demons in me.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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