omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize