is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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