that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
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