problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
