Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize