Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I will be naked everywhere
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
