i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
