And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
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