If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Randomize
