My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
