I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
