Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
