I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
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