So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
