My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Randomize
