I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
