oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
