checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
