Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
