I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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