So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize