No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
