in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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