I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
