i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
