I'm so fucking centered right now
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
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