i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
