I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
