I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize