You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
