so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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