So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
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