i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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