I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
