if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize