just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
