What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
