people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
All the doctor said was why
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
