I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
you made out with another girl for some wings
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
