Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
