dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
