I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
