so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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