I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
