My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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